The NBA 2023-24 season: A spec script – Deadspin

Ding-dong, the strike is dead. The Deadspin staff’s WGA brethren have come to an agreement with the AMPTP that financially acknowledges the importance of the brains and fingertips that are part of the foundation of entertainment.
The writers are headed back to work, which means the impending return of late-night television — although Jimmy Fallon has some explaining to do about his alleged toxic wing of 30 Rock. Other favorites such as Young Sheldon, Abbott Elementary, the Chicago series, whatever HBO series David Zaslav hasn’t canceled, and more will gradually return to air.
And most importantly, professional sports script writers can get back to work. Arian Foster of course broke that news earlier this year when he said that the NFL is more acts and scenes than splits and screens.
Aaron Rodgers must have needed a lot of convincing for the whole summer build-up of saving the New York Jets only to crumple to the MetLife Stadium turf four plays into his Monday Night Football debut.
The NFL script was stuck in a bit of a lull in Week 2, but came back with a vengeance in Week 3 with Taylor Swift showing up at a Kansas City Chiefs game against the Chicago Bears — whose franchise is in the process of melting down. I guess the writers finished some NFL work before they walked on May 2, because the build-up, and payoff of that Swift appearance was quite well done.
Next month, however, brings the NBA season — a dramedy like none other. It’s already underway with Damian Lillard being traded to the Milwaukee Bucks. ESPN’s Adrian Wojnarowski reported that a three-team deal has Jrue Holiday and Deandre Ayton off to the Portland Trail Blazers, and Grayson Allen, and Jusuf Nurkic will be with the Phoenix Suns.
The writers have returned in the nick of time for the start of this season. I am not in the NBA writer’s room, but if the showrunner is looking for some fresh talent I have a few ideas for a rousing 2023-24 season.
2 / 9
The Memphis Grizzlies threw Brooks out of the door in a way not too dissimilar to how Uncle Phil used to do Jazz. However, I assume it would be against the collective bargaining agreement to literally heave Brooks out of FedEx Forum.
The Houston Rockets inked him to a 4-year $80 million deal as they scrambled to reach the salary floor. Now he’s a veteran presence on another dysfunctional roster, just much less talented than the one he left. On this new team, Brooks can now rebuild his image as a mentor.
He can host weekly dinners where the players can regularly hang out not as coworkers, but as buddies. Brooks can spend extra time with rookie Amen Thompson to teach him how to best weaponize his extraordinary athletic gifts. The greatest irony would be if Brooks is the player to get Jalen Green’s shot selection under control.
A new caring Brooks can emerge this season, and bring some stability back to the Rockets
3 / 9
This cannot happen right away. The build has to start after the all-star break and bubble to a boil during the playoffs. Green and Paul have recently worked out with Dwight Howard, and Steve Kerr is thinking about inserting the 38-year-old guard into the starting lineup.
Paul would of course be fine with running the second team, and when they start off the season near the top of the Western Conference tranquility will be the state of the Warriors. But then they lose a few games going into the break.
There are no worries at first, but on All-Star Saturday Night Paul will say that he was “surprised” when the Warriors didn’t make any moves at the trade deadline two weeks prior. This will of course get under Green’s skin and he will remember why he once said on the All the Smoke podcast that he didn’t like Paul.
The Warriors struggle at times, and Paul’s body language gets bad as he sees those turnovers pile up. Then Shams Charania will report that Paul had a discussion with Stephen Curry about reckless passes. Green will mention it on his podcast, and say that there was a discussion but they all know that Curry is the leader of the team.
All of this up-and-down play again nets the Warriors the sixth seed. They go on to lose a second-consecutive playoff series to the Lakers, and in the tunnel after the game, the tension explodes. Green and Paul start screaming and before anyone can stop it, these known nut punchers are engaged in a game of rochambeau.
4 / 9
This is the worst thing that could happen to the Dallas Mavericks. Of course, they would want their two best players to get along, but they don’t need Luka Dončić beginning to see life through the same lens as Kyrie Irving.
Kevin Durant is older than Irving, so it’s easy for him to shake his head at the words that come out of the point guard’s mouth. Dončić, however, watched Irving cross people over as a teen and was 17 years old when he saw the Game 7 game-winner. He might be impressionable.
Once Irving starts sharing reading material with Dončić and recommending documentaries the Mavericks are going to have a problem. Before games, he will sage one half of the court, and Irving will do the other one. Then one day in late January, they will be wearing matching ankh earrings, and demand that they be traded to the same team.
5 / 9
He was the goat of the New York Knicks’ second-round playoff loss to the Miami Heat. Randle played through injury but not that well. He already has a testy relationship with Knicks fans after he complained about them while struggling during the 2021-22 season.
The Knicks start this season slow, and it continues to get worse because they did not improve the roster during the offseason. Randle’s struggles from the playoffs continue and the Knicks crowd continues to get on him. In December, he talks to the media, and claims that there is no pleasing the Knicks faithful.
“I mean come on, they’re famous for a Spiderman drinking Hennessey, and yelling with strangers on social media.”
On New Year’s Eve, a new Sidetalk video is posted, and Randle becomes enemy No. 1. Spiderman is passing around the Hennessy bottle while New Yorkers curse out their two-time all-star. The video ends with the “Hey KD” guy saying “Hey Julius, how about you get traded from the Kniiiccckss!”
6 / 9
They addressed their lack of a point guard by trading away their disgruntled center — four months after getting rid of the coach whom he did not get along with — and bringing in Nurkic, Allen, Nassir Little, and Keon Johnson.
Maybe Allen will suffice if he is sharing a court with Devin Booker, Kevin Durant, and Bradley Beal. It’s not like he has to actually break someone down off of the dribble to get the offense going. He would just need to get the ball across halfcourt so those three players don’t have to spend the energy.
The Suns could go on to win the 2024 NBA Championship and in the process turn the point guard into the running back of the league. There will no longer be a need for a star who is shorter than everyone else on the floor. The occasional Curry and Lillard will be considered special for their explosive shot-making, but that position will no longer regarded with anywhere close to the level of importance as a quarterback.
Instead, it will largely be used as a player to run into screens as an on-ball defender, and dribble well enough to allow stars to rest while on the floor.
7 / 9
Per usual, Ben Simmons has looked outstanding in off-season social media posts. There is no reason to believe this will result in better performance, but what if it does?
What if he returns to the defensive force of his recent past? Alongside Cam Johnson, Mikal Bridges, and Dorian Finney-Smith the Brooklyn Nets play historically great defense. Simmons pushes the pace on offense and has the lane to himself with Spencer Dinwiddie, Johnson, and Bridges giving him dependable shooting on the perimeter.
In early February the Nets have outperformed expectations but are still a rung lower than the Eastern Conference elite. Simmons makes his fourth all-star game, but shortly after that announcement, Adrian Wojnarowski has one about him. Woj reports that Simmons wants out of Brooklyn and to be traded to a contender.
On the ensuing episode of First Take Stephen A. Smith picks up the desk and hurls it through the ESPN Seaport Studio window because he is so damn disgusted by temerity and the unmitigated gall of Simmons. Chris “Mad Dog” Russo took half of a gummy before the show and can’t contain his laughter.
8 / 9
Daryl Morey continues to play hardball with James Harden’s trade request. He already sunk one Philadelphia 76ers season by holding onto Ben Simmons too long, so he is unafraid to do it again.
Harden is running out of stunts to get himself traded. The fat suit worked in Houston, but Morey will be ready for that one. He already called Morey a liar in front of the entire world, but the man still won’t budge.
He sitting at home trying to think of a way to further escalate the situation and then the lightbulb clicks. Harden calls his friend Lil’ Baby and says, “Bro, bring that bus by my house, the tour is not done.” Lil’ Baby was forced to cancel some concert dates this summer because of low sales. Harden will go on the road with him back to those cities and warm up the crowd for Lil’ Baby with diss tracks about Morey and 76ers ownership.
His friend gets some more tour money, and every night Morey is getting laughed at on social media.
9 / 9

source